hushing

Yesterday I placed some links on the prikbord from two facebookfriends that I used to be with when I was younger.
With one I had some email communication, I wrote about my/the proces within desteni.
This morning I placed the links of the film Home and the equal moneysystem.
I was happy with this.
I read some conversation on Sylvies prikbord where she got blocked, and where the person was really demolishing desteni. And I became scared.

What am I scared of?
It has something to do with having doubts. Having doubts that everything I am standing up in seems not to be true. There it is again. True, waar, merchandise, handelswaar.
The self-forgiveness on this and the changing of the word true into real didnot really relieve me from the fear.

Am I having doubts about this question within myself when I am reading articles, writing blogs, breathing, applying self-forgiveness? No.
The doubts are coming up in situations like this, when I speak about it (speak about is not speaking as), to people who are sceptic about desteni. So sceptic about self, about life.
And if I am having doubts about speaking about destini, than I am having doubts about speaking about myself. I am speaking about desteni so speaking about myself, which is not speaking as myself.
I am having doubts about myself, about the question if I am true, replaced by real.
So, I am having doubts about the question if I am real.

Which brings me to the point of death.
If I am having doubts about the question if I am real
-why is this a question? I have never seen my rabbits having doubts about being real or not-
than I am having doubts about the question if I can really live.
If I willnot die.
If I willnot die when my mind dies.
If I willnot die when other people attack me as the mind.

Scared to death.
Last year the point coming up was scare of loosing.
This year the point coming up is scare to death.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be scared to death.

If I stop with the attack as mind of the mind inside myself, the reflection outside will also stop.
Which brings me back to myself.
What am I scared of? That I die when I as mind attack myself as mind?
That I kill myself? Rather killing myself than stand up and speaking as myself?
Is this why people commit suicide?
So, because I am scared to speak up as myself because I am scared that the other person will kill me, I rather kill myself than standing up as myself and take the risk.

This is a huge point which I am experiencing already for a long long time.
Everyone is scared for the same thing.

Which brings me to the point of hushing.
Hushing each other, make each other calm, which actually is to silence each other.
Don't speak up; when you speak up you got killed. Rather kill yourself by silencing!
Because this is what happens. When we silence ourself out of fear to be killed, we kill ourselves by silencing ourselfves.
We stop speaking words as self.
We stop speaking Living Words, which is equal and one as ourselves.
We stop, we silence ourselves as Self, which is actually killing ourselves as Life.
We kill Life and become a robot, speaking as the mind and being scared (=mind) constantly, instead of being constant as Self.
Hushing each other because if one starts speaking up, than we all have to see what we allowed ourselves to.
We allowed ourselves to kill ourselves as Life, to kill Life.

Which makes us all murderers, murderers of life.
Which will give a huge feeling of quilt, which we have to forgive ourselves.
And the ones who do the murder outside in society we lock up in jail and we judge them.
But we don't judge them, it's a projection; we judge ourselves.
For killing ourselves as Life, for not speaking up as Self.

Is there anyone left who doesnot know what self-hate is as a consequence of allowing ourselves to do this?

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to silence myself for such a long time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hate myself for silencing myself out of fear for the reaction of other people if I speak up, out of fear to be killed by other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to have doubts about being alive as self as Breath as Life.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let define my whole life by having these doubts.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to kill the life inside myself by remaining in silence all the time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to build up resistance for speaking words.

The mind is turning around everything.
So thinking to be killed when I speak up, the opposite will happen:
I become more Alive.
This is what I experienced when I did speak up and I got reactions from the ego.
It 'proved' me to be real.
So with speaking up as myself I will prove myself that I am real.
I prove myself that I will not die by speaking up as myself.